so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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