Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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