I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
