It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
