Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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