i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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