He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
