do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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