I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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