I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
