i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
