I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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