the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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