It's like God shit irony all over that family
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
