He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Nicole vs. Life
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
