Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
