that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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