you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
