I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
