Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
