dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
