I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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