Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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