I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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