hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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