My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
