Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
