Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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