is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
whose parrot is this?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
