he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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