I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
