Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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