Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think my vagina is haunted
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We left the knife in your bed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
