A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
