at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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