Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
