so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
