My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
