how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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