So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
