Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
