if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
