Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
third nipple confirmed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
