so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
