so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
