see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
