we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
