I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
