i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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