come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
