you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
