I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
