Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
