We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
