"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my being single is dangerous.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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