Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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