woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
